Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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