and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
