Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
