I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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