Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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