i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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