Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize