For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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