The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
