I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
