3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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