I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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