I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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