you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
