i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize