So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
