So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
