Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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