So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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