If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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