I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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