You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
