And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
