awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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