If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
