I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
