I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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