no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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