direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
