Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
