never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
