It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
