this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
