I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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