yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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