found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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