My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this boner is exhausting
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
