This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
