A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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