I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
