Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
