There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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