Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
