and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
