marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
