my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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