i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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