When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
