i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
