I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
