I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
