u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
