I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
