This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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