We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
