im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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