well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
