Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
