I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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