Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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