sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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