i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
