You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize