Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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