Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Someone signed my nipple.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
