Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
