OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
