this just has baby written all over it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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