im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
