i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
