i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
