I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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