if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
