we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
