she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
