I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
