I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
