Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
