I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
