Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
