what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
