It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm like, not good at living.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
