When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
